i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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