I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
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