so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
They should really pass out barf bags in church
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
So I just chugged the rest of the wine in my mug so I would have something to eat my corn flakes in. With a plastic fork. I need a dishwasher
And maybe a life coach?
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
