i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
IM SAVING ALL MY LOVE FOR YOU
I don't want it.
Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Wondering when "babysitting" formed into "sleeping on the couch for five hours nursing a hangover and giving the kids Nyquil."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Fuck your bullshit loser kid and his gluten allergy.
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