Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
Randomize