I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Sailor Jerry came over for the evening. It was a magical evening. I didn't even get puke in the house.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
