I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
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