I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
We are best friends because we can vomit simultaneously in the same toilet and not care
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