I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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