I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
