He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
Randomize
