WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
