I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
