Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Randomize
