You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
