So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
I'll send you the picture of you double fisting vodka bottles, grinding one guy and making out with another... Every girl wanted to be you.. You make me so proud!
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
Randomize
