You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
