I wish you could order shots online.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Finals drinking + forgeting you had to take your ambien because you work at 6am mid paper= drunk logic which then entails going on a "detox" run. Puking your guts put in the field house bushes while some random guy says to you "its okay. We're marching on."
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Randomize
