Wait. When you mean sick you mean a cold sick right ? not something else.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Why is there broken glass in my purse?
You stole a snow globe. From your VP. Soooo...maybe don't put all your hopes on that promotion you were expecting
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
