So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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