oh posh. I need a real boy. To fill my void. This guy has potential. He is a Republican.
***** and i were talking about Republicans today. They are usually the champs of mediocrity but we decided mediocrity is underrated.
I just realized there's an entire generation of children that will never know Alex Trebek had a mustache... Sad.
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
My neighbors are white girl rapping to Hamilton again...
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
Randomize
