Strawberries are so good its weird that food is growable
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
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