Is it because I queefed?
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Please come over here so I can show off my beard, talk to you about how quantum computing is actually a symptom of interstellar physics, and then put my head under your dress
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I just put vodka in my apple sauce. Spice up your fucking life.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
