We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Every concussion has its silver lining
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
Randomize
