Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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