I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I'm way too hungover for life right now
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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