I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I wonder if I could sublet my bathtub to anyone.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
he taught all the little kids to ski. it was stupid hot. i'm pretty sure my ovaries exploded.
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
