i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
