chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Is all white too much for court to prove my innocents?
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
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