i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
stop texting me from phones in the verizon store and pretending to be guys i talked to when i was drunk. its confusing.
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
She's so high she just screamed into the pile of takeout boxes "which one of you gave me diarrhea"
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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