I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Ur creepiness is now affecting my life and I'm not okay with it
Im experiencing the awkward moment after realizing two of my straight female friends have had sex with each other
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
