She went from zero to smokin in five shots
That's the secret to virgins: blizzards.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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