The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
well considering we left the bathroom with the mirror off the wall, a bloody nose, and clothes all messed up they assume im just a coke whore now..
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
