I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
Randomize
