If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
His appology was" look at it this way, at least you'll give better head without those teeth.'
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
