I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
This body was not built to go to the gym. It was built to chain smoke cigarettes and shoot whiskey
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
Randomize
