My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
