Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
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