Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
