You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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