do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
He said "you speak American pretty good for a Canadian" and it took everything in me to still fuck him. Dry spell ended btw
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
The Game of Thrones convention was just a drunk fuckfest.
Please tell me you banged Jon Snow.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
