I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
