what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Jeff brought me a cup of coffee to my desk. He's getting a blow job.
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
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