She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
