im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
