Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
