Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
This exeeds the amount of high I planned on being.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
