Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
Dipping doritos in Grey Poupon. Why does no one treat me like the lady I am?
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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