How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
Randomize
