So drunk its hurt
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
We left an ass print on the piano.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
You kept trying to get the girl i brought home to hook up with you by enticing her with 12 baconnators you brought home
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
