So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Beat the bartender in a shot challenge for a free tab. I won that, and him. I never get tired of the "this is my first time with a guy.." bullshit.
How do you even...
The magic of Christmas. And whiskey, of course.
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Randomize
