she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
