can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
is facebook stalking your hot therapist socially acceptable?
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
