I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
See I just want a dick that I don`t have to deal with or talk to unless it is inside me. Is that so much to ask for?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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