i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
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