Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
Have $25 to my name but it's $2 pitchers. I have no choice but to go.
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
This from the guy I found eating salad out of a pot lid in his boxers on his porch last night.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
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