come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
I cut my penus on the lid.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
Attn every girl I've slept with in the past 26 years of my life. One of you cunts gave me herpes. This is the 4th of 5 group MMS. That's right. It's in the 50s. There are two girls I don't have #s for. One was on a cruise and the other was a prostitute in Amsterdam. So which of you has herpes?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Randomize
