i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
So the girl in front of me was buying champagne too .. I wanted to be like "so are you celebrating clean test results too?"
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Note to self: semen does not count as food to take medicine with
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
