can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize
