i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
I cant believe we actually had a nipple party!
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
