well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
Omg I joined a choir last night...
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