He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
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This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
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She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
Is this like a preordered booty call?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
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