oddly enough my penis is pretty tan. the part of my body that gets the least amount of sunlight is tanner than most of the rest of my body.
I think its part of male evolution. Pretty soon they'll have diamonds on them and taste like chocolate.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she got into med school, i feel dumb for banging her dance major friend
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
