wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Randomize
