dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
I wish there was an emoji to express our Eskimo Brothership
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
He offered to let her do a line of coke off his hard-on. She said she'd had that hard-on and it would be a bump, not a line. Everyone laughed. That's why he left.
So that answers the first question but not the second: how the fuck am I getting home?
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Randomize
