Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
