I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
Randomize
