I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
what happened last night?
u kept telling him to fuck u optimus prime style
that explains why his roommate kept saying autobots roll out this morning as i left
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
It's like an adderall Houdini. Right when you think you have a deal he disappears
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
