hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
Whose the chick running for dorm president promising bigger dicks and softer toilet paper? That’s who I m voting for
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
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