I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I wish i was in the wii world.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Birthday Treasure Hunt was to follow the clues. At each spot there was a stick on tattoo and a shot and at the end there was 2 cases of beer. I have 13 tattoos and don't remember turning 18.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Any luck with the purse?
No, though I did find her weed. Also her sons name is King. I'm uncertain how I feel about that
Randomize
