Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
