He asked to "fluff my boner.."
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
I need $500 dollars more than I need a night of dignity... I gonna do it.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
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