College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
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