Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
