We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
I really want to text him and congratulate him on having a bigger penis than the guy I dumped him for, but I thought that might be awkward...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
