Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
She was going down on me before I had a chance to tell her I arrested her brother 3 hours earlier
Randomize
