I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
Idk what else to talk about besides you paying for half of my vaginaplasty.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
Randomize
