I just saw a San Diego firetruck. No wonder they can't figure out how to fight wildfires if they get so fucking lost they end up in Nebraska.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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