new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The original plan involved fireworks and a lot more dildos but the new one is still okay.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
