Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
