so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Can I join you for some emotional "Post: The Ohio State University's first lose in football after a 24 game winning streak" sex?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Randomize