Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Hey, if I can't get it and you're still alive, can you get the glass out of my foot? Happy Sunday.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
