Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm disgusted with myself. I feel like I need 10 boxes of Summer's Eve and a baptism.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
he just fucked me for my cheese..
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
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