Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Btw. Being a stripper for a week without anyone knowing to pay off my school loan is no longer in my agenda.
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
Randomize
